Every Friday I’ll indulge my order-crazed brain in a list of randomness. Welcome to my Friday Fives.
Is it already Friday again? I’m not quite ready to talk about Pops, and yet, there isn’t anything else for me to talk about right now. I’m still functioning in a sort of fog, like a weird auto-pilot. And when that fog clears? Well, I don’t want to go there yet. The thought of leaving my family on Sunday feels like such a relief, as well as terrifying. On some level I just want to resume some sort of normalcy, but I also don’t want to leave those that love Pops as much as I do. My life is different from when I stepped on that plane to come home.
Needless to say, I’m still navigating through some pretty raw emotions and hoping I can ride on fumes until I get on the plane. Here are the ways I’ve been coping this week:
Bella might be in Utah, but in the interim I’ve been loving on my aunt’s new dog, Tootsie. Dogs and children are the very best medicine. Poor Tootsie will sleep for a week once we all leave town. I don’t think her paws have touched the ground.
What an incredible outpouring of love and support my family has seen this week. I swear, we all have the best friends in the world. We’ve relished everything from long-time family friends joining us for the service, to phone calls, to emails, to texts, to flowers, to parties. And every bit of it has made such an incredible difference. Thank you…really.
3. Modern Technology
Throughout this entire trip (day 10 tomorrow), my husband has been in Utah. I completely understand, especially the unspoken rules surrounding a new job, but I’m not going to lie — not having him by my side has been very hard. We’ve been able to stay in constant contact, but it’s not the same as a hug or someone to hold my hand, or me. Hope you’re willing to make up for the lost time, J.
No one makes me laugh as hard as my family and I’m sure it comes as no surprise (to those that know us, at least) that we’ve been making each other laugh through this process. “It’s what we do,” said my grandmother. It’s how we’ve always been. No matter the situation — even death — there is a laugh to be had, a joke to be told. Even in our darkest hours we still are able to throw our heads back and laugh without abandon. I wouldn’t have been able to make it through this without them, or their laughter.
1. The Future
Tomorrow half of my family will gather in Texas for a wedding. The other half will gather in Tulsa for a baby shower. A mere 2 days after burying Pops we will come together to celebrate life in an entirely new way. Sing it, Rafiki. It’s the Circle of Life. And that’s where we have to keep our gaze — on the future and not on the past. We were blessed with wonderful, wonderful years with my grandfather and now we’re passing the torch and welcoming a new baby boy next month. There is a lot to be grateful for…lots and lots and lots.