A year ago today I said goodbye to my Pops. In many ways it was my first goodbye–my first brush with death. I didn’t know how I should or would feel at the time, but I knew it was a game changer. 365 days later, I’m still not sure how I’m supposed to feel. Everyone deals with it in their own way, which can also be hard. There’s no Death for Dummies handbook.

As I sit here watching baseball, I realize there are so many things that make me think of and wish for him. But if there’s anything I’ve taken away from the last year it’s a feeling of utter thankfulness. To have had the time we had, to have been able to say all of our goodbyes, to have been there to let him go. What a gift. Most people are not that lucky.

So on my walk today I looked up to the beautiful sky and thanked Pops. For this year of strength and learning, and 32 wonderful years of love.

“I love you every day. And now I will miss you every day.” ~Albom

“The anniversary date of a loved one’s death is particularly significant. You will have done something you thought was impossible a few months earlier. You will have survived an entire year without someone who was as important to you as life itself.” ~Diets